just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
