I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
