I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
