i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
