im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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