Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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