Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
