Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
