mondays should just be called national damage control day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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