I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
