Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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