just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my sisters under your porch take her home
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
