Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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