thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Never joke about your clitoris.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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