you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My life is pants optional.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
