I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
