i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
