Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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