We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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