she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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