OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
