Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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