saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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