I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
