btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
