im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
