True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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