Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
