Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
