Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
