mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need water and some morals
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
