I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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