I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
