doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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