if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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