i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
