I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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