Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
