Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
