im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
