Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
