I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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