Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My ass is underappreciated
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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