We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
