you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
