I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
