Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
