can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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