Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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