12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
