I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
