my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My vagina is officially offended.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Enjoy the penises
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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