dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
