I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
