well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
