Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My hand turned me down
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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