Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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