it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
