help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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