"it" just moved
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
