This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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