I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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