Welp...herpes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
