new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
