so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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